Can you please turn down the volume?

Sure, no problem, although it might be easier AND more pleasant for you it you would consider using ear plugs. I always have extra’s so just ask.. Or we can try to get the drummer to STOP BASHING THE DRUMS SO DAMM HARD. Easier said than done, hence the ear plug suggestion.

Do you have a Rider?

Yes we do, however a statistically significant number of the people who ask for our rider don’t seem to know how to read, or after looking at it conclude we are a bunch of wankers and ignore the whole thing. We call those people “observant”.

You can find this ridiculous document elsewhere on this site. Here is a sample of the nonsense you can (mostly) ignore.

Security

This section was purloined from Iggy Pops rider as I am too lazy to come up with my own stuff and this gets the job done. Let’s hope the security guys also get the job done, assuming of course we need any security at all, or are in any position to require or ask for any of this stuff.

We will require the use of at least 2 dedicated and intensely loyal security persons to be stationed at the entrance to each of the two dressing rooms. Or do I mean one at each? Otherwise that would be four, and I think we only need two, one at each door. Wait a minute, let’s start again.

May we have two dedicated and intensely loyal security men, preferably built like brick you know what-houses, one for each of the doors leading to the two dressing rooms. Unless either of the dressing rooms has an extra door…   OK…

Please have someone count the number of doorways leading in or out of the two dressing rooms that we are going to be using, then supply an unspecified number of security men, with the qualities mentioned above, the quantity of whom shall be exactly proportional to the number of said doors, adhering strictly to a ratio of 1:1. So probably two in total.

Actually, a single dressing room would be great. With a lockable door if possible.

Do you play private events?

All the time, sometimes in jazz clubs that are supposed to be public but nobody shows up so they seem private. Sometimes in elevators when the built-in speakers are blown. Contact us via email, snap-tok or insta-whatever and we can chat. We sometimes add a horn section if that is what the party requires.

What is your wifi name and password?

2FlyforsomeWifi notsuiteableforuseinelevators